Mark's 27th, 28th or 29th birthday!

You decide! I think it's 28, but it could be 29. Anyway, Thursday night I'm cooking spaghetti. Mark is making his own birthday cake. So I need people to bring salad, garlic bread and drinks. I know we've already had our July meal but since it is the last day of the month and it's Mark's burfday, this will do. Happy 29th Mark!

Deb & Crystal are bringing garlic bread!
Adam drinks
Markus Salad
Mark & Justin dessert

On Golden Pond

It was a quiet night, the small gathering somewhat subdued. But the early calmness would soon see one large, then one huge ripple upset the glass smooth serenity of the golden pond.

One of the first to arrive, and the first to leave the table of 7, was son Jake. His 1 point a testament to his ill fated luck for this night

Soon to follow and late to the table, Jake's other half Markus, weary from that day's travels, took home 2 points.

Sister Crystal, hoping to capitilize on the absence of so many, could only earn 3 points.

The first ripple to upset the pond came when Nick threw out his 2 that happened to match 3 more of them on the table. For his efforts, Nick earned 5 points including his bonus for quads. His clairvoyance proved uncanny, but if it was so good, how come he didnt' win? I think he'll be sending back those Miss Cleo video tapes.

Chris had to earn his 5 points the hard way, without bonus points, but played well in the final 3.


What happened next hasn't happened in a long, long time. Back when the family was smaller and the kids less talented, me and your grandma used to play heads up more often than a nickel fell in the nickelodian when a new Gretta Garbo flick hit the five & dime. Our heads up play was highlighted by my royal flush. There were at least 2 times when, had I called her, I could have won. But the hour grew late, Nick's dealing, excellent throughout the heads up, was getting tired, and I finally took Deb up on her offer to end the game, share the top spot and go home some time after 1. Besides, my Geritol was starting to kick in and I wanted to beat her to the bathroom to change my depends.



7. Jake 1
6. Markus 2
5. Crystal 3
4. Nick 5 (including 1 bonus point for quad 2s)
3. Chris 5
1. Deb 8
1. Jeff 11 (including 3 bonus points for spade royal flush)

Poll results fresh from the telegraph

Sure enough, Deb kept her first place standing.

We missed this one, Jake's ahead of Nick again.

Yep, we threw salt water at Crystal and her bazookas rose so far she couldn't see.

Missed this one, Mark leads this trio.

100% vote and we got it right, Stevie & Tanner were back.

Nick got the most votes for taking the bounty point, but Crystal actually took it.

See y'all next week!

High Plains Drifter

The sun was just starting to sink into the western horizon, its heat lingering as it did. Only a whisper of wind offering any relief. The usual crowd had gathered, a mixture of shady characters, upstanding citizens and some just dam queer folk. Then the wind picked up, dust stirring, obscuring the stranger just riding into town. A drifter, his quiet, calm demeanor belying the havoc he was about to unleash. Still, there was something familiar about this stanger sitting atop that black horse, someone I've seen before.

Chips on the table, the cards started to fly. The first victim to fall was Nick, a local favorite from south of the border. Hopes were high for this Mexican and his little dog after last week, but Escoto's luck ran out and he left the saloon with only 1 point.

Chris, still a newcomer but becoming more familiar with the townsfolk and our ways, soon followed Nick. He to had a good showing last week, but when the locals figured him out it was only a matter of time. His 2 points can testify to that.

Miss Deb, however, was expecting to do a little better than she did. She's still the town's leading citizen and has been for weeks. But she's finally starting show signs of vulnerability and had to settle for 3 points this week.

One of the young guns, Tanner, has had a long run of bad luck here lately. But last night it wasn't the cards that did him in, it was time. He had places to be and left the table early with 4 points.

Jake was out next, barely hanging on for quite a while, had his luck and his chips finally run out and he left the saloon with 5 points.

Justin, the towns new beauty parlor operator, started out good but got clipped and had to take 6 points along with his score of 93 for his state exam.

I had high hopes of catching Miss Deb after her early exit, but I had a price on my head and Maw Crystal drew down on me. I had to give up, can't have the town's only justice of the peace in a gun fight. Still, my 7 points got me closer to Miss Deb than I've been in a long time.

The towns new schoolmarm, Markus, did pretty good and took 8 points for his efforts.

The town doctor, Stevie, another Mexican, well half anyway, showed up late but made a good showing. His 9 points will keep some distance between him and Tanner.

The meanest sidewinder this side of the Mississippi, Mark, was gunning for anyone who got in his way. A hired gunslinger of the Walton gang, Mark was doin dam good when it came down to 3. But his luck and his chips ran out when the blinds hit $400. Still, his 10 points puts him back on top of Justin, someplace I'm sure Justin wished he's spend more time.

And so the stage was set. It was way after dark and these two were out of time, patience and soon 1 would be out of chips. Maw Crystal, the biggest guns in the west, was out for blood. Her long absence had cost here dearly in points and standing in the town, and now she was back and wanted revenge. So far she had taken out anyone who stood in her way, including me and my bounty point, and there was only 1 person left to dispose of. But try as she might, the drifter had accumulated too many white chips and his luck ran straight and true all night. Maw Crystal, madder than a wet hen, finally lost her last hand but still had a good showing for the night. Her 13 points puts her within striking distance of her old nemesis, Nick.

When the smoke cleared and the dust settled, the quiet stranger finally stood and then it struck me. I knew this fella, it was none other than Art! He hasn't been seen in these parts for months. One of the last TNP games he was at he nearly started a brawl when he spit beer in Stevie's face! And that's when it struck me. He was sober! That had to be the secret to his success. So Art, making his 2008 debut at TNP, walked away with all the chips, 14 points and the enmity of Maw Crystal.


Here's the census.

12. Nick 1
11. Chris 2
10. Deb 3
9. Tanner 4
8. Jake 5
7. Justin 6
6. Jeff 7
5. Markus 8
4. Stevie 9
3. Mark 10
2. Crystal 13 (including 1 bounty point)
1. Art 14

The chips are put up for another week, the holsters back on the hips of some, bonnets and parasols on others. I'll be on my way back from Branson next week, but hopefully I'll be back in time to continue my pursuit of Miss Deb. Mark & Justin have keys so they'll have the Admiral's Saloon open and ready. Maw Crystal will be gunning for the drifter and anyone else who gets in her way, so clean your gun and make sure you have plenty of bullets. Till then, may all your cards be live and your pots monsters!

Poll results

Well, Stevie was moving last week, so second place remained as it was.

Jake did not keep his bounty point, that's 2 we got right so far.

Nick did take the lead over Jake, 3 right.

Crystal did show up. 4 right

I won the bounty point, but Nick & Crystal had as many votes, so that 4 1/3 right.

Dam gays!

The Ten Commandments

And the Poker God spake unto Moses saying, "Thou shalt surely go up unto Mount Vegas and receive my commandements for my people at TNP". And Moses hearkened unto the voice of the Lord and sojourned into Mount Vegas and received from the Lord 10 commandments for his people at TNP.

When Moses returned, he found the people had fallen into sin. Men were lying with women, they hearkened unto music other than from Madonna and Cher, they no longer paid homage unto the Lord and were rebellious.

Thus Moses spake unto the people at TNP:

The Poker God has sent me to speak unto thee thusly, hearken now to the words of the Lord and obey his commandments.

The Tenth Commandment: Thou shalt not play poker when thou art sick. Therefore, Mark of Aramathina, thou art given 1 point and thou shalt see a doctor immediately for thy penance. Thou art also commanded by the lord to be kind unto thy bondservant.

The Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt not play poker when thy master has left the game. Therefore, Justin of Samaria, thou art given 2 points and shalt live with thy master until thy days are done for thy penance.

The Eighth Commandment: Thou shalt not have faith in thy full house. Therefore, Adam of Athens, thou art given 3 points and shalt date only beautiful losers for they penance.

The Seventh Commandment: Thou shalt not use thy bosom as a weapon, nor shalt thou let thy burger leave thy bun. Therefore, Crystal of Cyrene, thou shalt not lie with thy best friend Chad in peace, for he shall snore continuously and deny thee sleep, and thy dog shall cause thee trouble forever. Thus is your penance. Thou art given 4 points.

The Sixth Commandment: Thou shalt bring pecan pies to each TNP. Therefore, Jake of Jordan, since thou hast denied my servant Moses pecan pies for lo these many weeks, thou art awarded only 5 points and thy bounty shall be given unto him. Thus is your penance. However, my wrath against thee has been stayed for thy offering of 2 pecan pies last week.

The Fifth Commandment: Thou shalt not misread thy hand, nor shalt thou mis-call thy hand, nor shalt thou dig in the card stack to find they hand, thus sayeth the Lord. Therefore, Deb, Queen of Persia, thou art given 6 points and must live amongst the gays all the days of thy life for penance.

The Fourth Commandment: Thou shalt not hold thy tongue but shalt utter sounds unspeakable as Adam, Nick & Mark hast shown thee. Therefore, Chris of Chaldea, thou art awarded 7 points and must always and forever worry for thy kinsman Geoffrey as penance. I will stay my hand and not smite thee, however, for thy hand of quad 2s. Receive from your loving and gracious god a bonus point.

The Third Commandment: Thou shalt not act lewd or lascivious at mine alter, the green table, thus sayeth the Lord. Therefore, Markus of Gomorrah, for thy penance thou shalt cleave unto Jake of Jordan only in thine house and not my house, thus sayeth the Lord. Seeing that your heart is pure, however, I shall award thee 8 points.

The Second Commandment: Thou shalt not show the player to the right of thee nor to the left of thee thy hand, nor shalt thou fold a diamond flush, nor shalt thou shout aooga at mine alter sayeth the lord of poker. Therefore, Nicholas, Pharaoh of all of Egypt, for thy excellent play thou art awarded 10 points but denied victory. For thy penance, thou shalt be cursed with queen two hole cards, thus sayeth the Lord.

The First Commandment: Thou shalt not cut the locks from thy head, nor shalt thou lust after errolls, remember Thursday night and keep it holy, keep my shrine clean and free from as many heteros as possible, thus commandeth the lord of TNP. Therefore, my good and faithful servant Moses, I shall award thee 12 points for winning, 1 point for the bounty on Jake and 1 point for quad 4s. Receive unto thyself 14 points, and the favor of thy lord.

Thus are the ten commandments my people shall keep for Thursday Night Poker.

Then the lord spake unto me, "Say unto my servants Stevie of Sodom and Tanner of Thessalonica, thou art not excused from weekly attendance of my game, therefore thou art denied points and for thy penance must co-habitate together until I shall call thee home, thus sayeth the lord.

When the laws were read, two prophets appeared, one being Wesley of Patmos and the other Luke of Ephasus. And the lord spoke unto Luke and said thusly, "Luke, I am your father!" Then they were caught up and whisked into a canyon.

As he lay his head to sleep, Moses wrote thusly:

10. Mark 1
9. Justin 2
8. Adam 3
7. Crystal 4
6. Jake 5
5. Deb 6
4. Chris 8 (including 1 bonus point for quad 2s)
3. Markus 8
2. Nick 10
1. Jeff 14 (including 1 bounty and 1 for quad 4s)

Forget not the holy day of Thursday, for thou shalt play TNP in the house of Moses.


The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Your humble and feeble servant Moses committed a grievous error. I mistakenly awarded Chris' bonus point to Jake. Chris was quick to alert me to the error of my ways, I have repented and corrected the sacred spreadsheet. My apologies.

How'd we do?

Well, everyone likes the polls, so they will continue.

I didn't offer a 4th place choice, but 3rd was the most voted for so we'll give this one a check mark.

Stevie's within 11 of me now, and while NEVER garnered the most points, I fear it will be soon.

Nick not only has Adam to contend with now, but Jake as well.

Crystal needs to get her bra fixed!

Justin retook a lead over Mark, so we missed this one.

Dam gays!

The Patriot

Grab a tankard of ale, sit back and let me regale you with a tale of heroism, valor, honor, despotism and epic battles as I recount the war for TNP independence!

It all began when the newly crowned Lord Adam of Coxley had a price put on his head. His newly acquired lordship would soon be put to the test. Rival lords, dukes, peasants and even the queen herself, Queen Deb of England, could barely keep their powder dry as they foamed from the mouth in eager anticipation of the war about to be waged.

The first to suffer defeat was the peasant Nicholas, a Russian immigrant to England, who's come oh so close in the past to gaining a lordship, but last night the dogs of war were merciless in their attack and left him bruised and bleeding as he limped from the contest with 1 point.

The second victim to fall by the sword was another peasant, Markus of Sheffield. His return to the battlefield was short lived and he was sent packing back to the bed of Lord Jake with 2 points.

Lord Jeffrey, former king of England, was disposed of with little fanfare. This broken hearted, poor excuse of a former monarch was never even a threat and he tucked tail and ran with 3 points.

Another lord and former monarch, Lord Tanner of Kensington soon followed Lord Jeffrey. Lord Tanner has been dealing with upheavals in his homeland and has yet to regain the former glory he relished in the first quarter of the year. He won 4 points.

Justin, slave of Lord Mark of Canterberry, was next to leave the war ravaged field with 5 points. His reluctance to participate in side pots cost him chips, but overall his galantry on the field was impressive and he'll retake a lead over his master, Lord Mark.

A new peasant, Christophe, a French immigrant, made quite an impressive showing for his first TNP. His shy tone and quiet persona paid off as the lords and peasants he played with knew little of him and were cautious about any frontal attacks. Christophe earned 6 points for his first outing. Viva la France!

Hoping to regain some dignity from last weeks trouncing, the queen herself, Queen Deb of England, current reigning monarch, didn't let her generals fight this week. No, she came off her throne and lead the charge herself. Still, her valiant efforts were not enough and she ended the battle with 7 points, her reign remains firmly in her grasp, however, for the foreseeable future.

Weary from work and grappling with banks, real estate agents and title companies, Lord Stevie of York fought with distinction, but fell nevertheless yet won 8 points for his countrymen.

Once the rabble had been removed from the field, the main fight was ready to begin. Coming into tonight's game, Lord Adam of Coxley was very confident as to his chances. Even the survivors who had gathered to watch the ensuing contest were rather lopsided in their assessment of who the eventual winner would be. However, someone forgot to tell Lord Jake of Shrapshire that he was supposed to lose! And so, after the smoke had cleared, the injured and dead removed from the field of battle, the guns stacked and the cannons cooled, Lord Jake stood victorious. Unable to retain his bounty point, Lord Adam retreated from the battle with 10 points.

Standing tall amongst the rubble, Lord Jake gathered the flags of the fallen, drank a toast to their efforts, took his wench Markus and celebrated with the vanquished, lifting a tankard to victory, honor, tradition and 13 points!

And so ends my tale of war. But worry not, those defeated this week will be seeking revenge, he who won now has a price on his head, those so far denied the throne will do whatever to have it, and those who once sat on high looking down want nothing more than to do so again. All hail Britannia! Long live the queen!



Let the scribes record:

10. Nick 1
9. Markus 2
8. Jeff 3
7. Tanner 4
6. Justin 5
5. Chris 6
4. Deb 7
3. Stevie 8
2. Adam 10
1. Jake 13 including 1 bounty point


Many thanks to Mark for cooking our burgers, and kudos to all who brought something to eat or drink. Everyone was complaining of how full they were following the game. It was much fun. We'll see you all next week and may all your cards be live and your pots be monsters!

Yankee Doodle Dandy

As we celebrate the birth of our nation, let us gorge ourselves on the traditional fare of this holiday. We'll start eating at 6:30 with whatever food we have in order to get the game done. We're expecting a good size crowd tonight, minus Crystal who has family obligations. Remember the target on Adam's head! See you all tonight!

FYI

The results for the polls can be seen, you just have to click on show results. For some reason, it won't display after you vote as it normally does.