The Admiral's Poker Challenge!: Shrek

Once upon a time there was a mean, vile ogre that lived in the deep forrest. Occasionally, the ogre, called Shrek, would venture into the village and partake in a card game known as poker. Many of the villagers and woodland creatures were frightened of Shrek and with good cause. He had a reputation of being fierce, quick to anger and ferocious. And it was his temper that would cost him his last game of poker. But let me start this fairy tale where all tales should start, at the beginning.

The first to leave our tale is Princess Fiona, faithful wife to Shrek. Poor Fiona, try as she might she can never seem to win when it comes to poker. Fiona (justin) could only take home 1 point. But it was starting to get dark & she had to hurry home before she transformed! If I could, I'd award her 1000 bonus points for living with Shrek!

Next to be cast out from the humble home where the game was being played was Prince Charming. Never winning a single hand, poor prince couldn't even count on his fairy god mother to help him. Prince Charming (adam) could only take 2 points.

In fact, it was his mother who had to leave the game next. To say she was not happy would be like saying Katrina was just a cloudy day in New Orleans. Poor fairy godmother (crystal), despite her magic and her humongous boobs, she could only win 3 points.

Ahh, Donkey. Faithful helper to Shrek. Shrek helped Donkey, and himself, do very well. Donkey (sharon) had to leave early, however, and scurried back into the forrest with 4 points.

Finally regaining his throne, Fiona's father, the King (jeff) won enough points to reclaim the top spot with his 5 points. But will it be enough to hold off the queen when she returns home next week?

Hoping to increase his lead over the peasantry, Lord Farquaad (nick) wants nothing more than to squash his opponents and break them in two! His 6 points will pull him to within striking distance of Prince Charming.

We finally reach the end of our story and discover the moral. You see, Shrek had a huge chip lead over Puss-n-boots, but because Shrek (mark) is an impatient ogre, he allowed the patient, quiet cat to outlast him even though Shrek should and could have won the night. Boxing his chips and stomping off in a rage, he still took the bounty on the King's head and muscled 9 points out of everyone.

Lest you feel sorry for Puss in boots (chris), don't! He's very capable of taking care of himself. His quiet, shy demeanor hides a clever, cunning adversary who must be respected. And now, the bounty is on the puss!

And so ends our tale of ogres, kings, princes, faries and lords. Return next week for another story sure to fill your mind with visions of gallantry, chivallry, adventure and love.