Death Becomes Her

The foolish men, thinking they were superior, were only fooling themselves. More queer than a 3 dollar bill each and every one, they would soon discover they were nothing more than fodder for the battle about to ensue. A warm up for the main act that would determine the queen of TNP, if for but only 1 week. For the women who would soon find themselves locked in an epic battle for superiority would use any tactic, resort to any measure to insure the complete and total destruction of the other. Now, let us dispense with the girly men so we can witness the battle of the boobs!

Chris, the first girly man to be easily thrown aside and after such a good showing last week, his 1 point a testament to his lack of power against the boobs.

Mark, arriving late from work, was shown litte respect even though it was his birthday. He said he had to go home early for work the next day, so at least he had a plausible excuse. Here's your 2 points, happy birthday mother fracker!

Nick, coming off a decent week, could ill afford to go out as soon as he did, his struggle with Jake neck & neck. But the boobs had little concern for this petty rivalry and sent the fudge packer away with only 3 points.

Markus, bringing a nice, green salad mix, trying to appease the boobs, was next to be dispensed with. His offering was found unworthy and was awarded only 4 points.

Jake, pitcher or catcher of Markus, the boobs aren't sure, was next to fall to the power of the vagina. Struggling most of the night, he was lucky to garner 5 points.

Adam, resorting to any measure to move up in the standings, offered to pleasure the boobs but was found lacking and was quickly dismissed with 6 points.

Jeff, oh so close to the top boobs, was defeated by the closest thing to boobs without a vagina when his trip 2s were scoffed at by Justin's trip Aces. I took 7 points.

Anthony, flittering and dancing as if he had boobs, is an infrequent visitor and confounded the boobs at first. But soon even this extra girly man was disposed of with his 8 points.

Justin, the only gay left before the boobs, drew from the training he received at the hands of Mark on their own kitchen table, and was able to provide the best showing of all the homos. But even Justin, colored hair and often nails, Elvira impersonator, hair dresser, the epitome of the gay stereotype, could not outlast the boobs. Still, in what I believe is his best showing to date at TNP, was able to scratch out 10 points including my bounty point.


Finally, the stage was set. The only females to frequent TNP & the only straight people to grace us with their presence, would now take off the gloves and show us just how a good cat fight can arouse any straight man alive. Too bad for Crystal she doesn't hang out with any!

All was cordial as the heads up began. Having discarded the girly men with little effort, each had the strength and stamina required to determine just who had the boobs with the most potency. It's a well known fact that Crystal has the biggest, bar none. But Deb has experience and a husband, so hers get a work out from time to time.

The hour was late when the match began. Each had sized up the other, and the chips each possessed were immense. Blinds began at 2 hundred, then 3, 4, 6, 8 and finally 1 thousand, being raised every 10 minutes or so. About mid way into this classic battle, Deb announced all in before a card hit the table. Crystal had established a huge lead, the hour was late and it appeared size would win out over experience. But, as fate would have it, Deb tripped up on jacks and crippled Crystal. The end was not yet, however, and it was 1AM before Crystal, anger and exhaustion taking its toll, finally succumed to the reigning queen of TNP. Still, her 11 points brought her to within 3 of Nick. Quite an accomplishment given her many absences and slip in the standings.

Deb, leader for weeks now, has once again proven age and expierence can and often do pay off. Trying to rebuild her lead over me and preparing for an absence of her own, she left the battle triumphant with 14 points including the bonus she retained for herself.

Here's the breakdown.
11. Chris 1
10. Mark 2
9. Nick 3
8. Markus 4
7. Jake 5
6. Adam 6
5. Jeff 7
4. Anthony 8
3. Justin 10 (including my bounty point from last week)
2. Crystal 11
1. Deb 14 (including 1 bonus point for retaining her own)

The power of the vagina, having proved their superiority, will be back next week to defend their reputations and their gender. Is there a fag amongst us that can reclaim pride for our kind? Is there a limp wrist stong enough to hold a winning hand? Will the power of the penis hang it's head in shame again as the boobs break our backs once more? Return here next week and witness yet again the battle of the sexes!